Lynn Tubalinal, director of litigation support at Dykema, has worked hard to build a fulfilling, impressive career in litigation and legal work. And she’s balanced it all with managing the sometimes-intense needs of two children (one of whom is neurodivergent), her marriage, and advancing her own education.
In this episode of Stellar Women, Blair Cohen interviewed Lynn about managing the hard work of work and of life, balancing our many roles, celebrating our differences, and how to support others on similar—often unseen—personal journeys.
Hit the play button below to listen in on this insightful, heartwarming conversation.
Lynn Tubalinal
Director of Litigation Support
Dykema
Blair: From what you’ve shared, it sounds like a consistent theme in your life has been everything happening, everywhere, all at once, right?
Lynn: Oh, I love Michelle Yeoh. But yes.
I think this part of your story says a lot about your resilience, so can you tell us a little bit about how you met your partner and how your relationship started? You were going through law school at the time, right?
Yes. I met my husband, Paul, during my second semester of law school. I happened to be at a friend's 30th birthday party. She invited her ten girlfriends; because none of us knew each other, she brought us all together and we went to this amazing dinner. At first, I told her, “Hey, I have a paper due—I'm not going to go out.” And she was like: “Just come.” So I went. And it was so out of character for me, but I saw him and I sent some of the girls over to talk to him and they started waving me over within two minutes. They learned his name is Paul. He was 31, also there for a birthday party. He worked at CareerBuilder and traveled all the time. I was in school—working full time, at law school at night. And we would only see each other on the weekends. In between my third and fourth year, we got married. I planned a wedding in eight months.
When I got pregnant with our first child, I was still at DLA Piper at the time. So when Sidley recruited me, I walked in there for my second interview like, “I'm pregnant. Do you want to hire me so that I can leave in four months? Are you sure this is what you want to do?” They just laughed and said yes. And then I stayed there for eight years.
When we met, you were introduced to me as a director and you were crushing it professionally. But you had a lot going on in your personal life, which we really connected over. Can you tell us a little bit about where you were then?
When I first started at Dykema, there were a lot of things going on. My son was in a special needs program, and I was honestly dragging my feet getting him evaluated. It was a mind shift for me: what do I do to help my kid who's neurodivergent, and my daughter, who is neurotypical? What is that going to look like for our family moving forward? And what is that going to mean?
Since then, we have learned how to communicate with him and it's a struggle. I want to make sure we're doing what's best for him as a family, and that he can learn how to communicate with others as well. So he's currently in therapy, and that seems to be working for him. He has an amazing school district and everybody, we try to all work together so that we know what's going on and can be a cohesive unit for him and a support system.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and for sharing your story with us. Sometimes I find that women in our industry feel like they have to mask being a mom to kind of show up as this put together, corporate entity. Why is it important for you to tell your story as a parent?
The biggest thing Paul and I are trying to do is to educate people. Just because a kid is having a tantrum or writhing on the floor, it doesn't necessarily mean they're having a bad day. It could be something sensory is overwhelming them at that point in time, and we just want to make sure that other people feel comfortable talking about their experiences. Because I've sat in different support groups, and that's the biggest takeaway for me: I don't know what my kid's going to do when they get to a certain age. I didn't know how to have a playdate with somebody when they were younger. We had to not talk to somebody in our family because of what was going on—the lack of understanding and just empathy. I may say I'm fine, but clearly I'm not okay.
So I've had to have some people ask me, “Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” And I've started to do that to other people because I can tell now, too. You just start seeing it when someone is telling me they’re fine, but they’re not really fine. I know better.
From my experience, becoming a mom can be isolating in itself. And then when you have a child who's neurodivergent, finding resources can just feel like another uphill battle. How are you managing taking on this director role while also figuring out your son’s diagnosis and managing all of that?
It's really trying to balance everything out. I tend to write a to-do list for myself every day, and just the satisfaction of checking one thing off—I might not check everything off, but I give myself a little grace because I know there's only so much I can do. In this industry, a lot of fires pop up and you have to throw out the list and put out the fire. Balancing work and the two kids—if I didn't write a list and set up a calendar every month, I would probably lose my mind and forget everything.
Sometimes being a parent, and being a parent with neurodiverse children, can be really isolating. What's one thing that you'd want parents going through a similar situation to know?
Don't go down the Google rabbit hole. Talk to people; if they're in school, talk to somebody at school. Talk to people. Figure out in your network who you can talk to. My sister, actually, when I was going through all this, told me she had a friend in Ireland who would talk to me about what her journey was. Reaching out, I was scared at the time. But I did reach out to her, a couple times, and those are the conversations that are really important. Because you just never know what's going to work for your kid. And every kid is different, neurodiverse or not.
Earlier, you said that your son's journey has helped you see that everyone learns differently. How do you apply this insight to your professional life?
The first time I saw it was pre-diagnosis, in just the way we learned to communicate. And it was really eye opening for me as a leader. You kind of try to lump people in together, right? But maybe you see someone write “k” versus “okay.” Those things mean something different. It's my job as a leader to check in, and to find another resource if they need help. Being able to communicate that and understand tone—which has definitely been a lot more difficult, since everybody's working remotely and most of my team is in Michigan—you learn to work through some of those kinds of moments and try to figure it out. That's where a lot of creativity comes into play.
Imagine little Lynn, who's sailing through grade school, middle school, and high school at a fast speed. What advice would you give her?
Something that I do with my kids now is our daily affirmations. We do these as soon as we get up and right before we go to bed. I love what we do for both of the kids, and I'll share them with you. For my daughter, we say: “You are big, you are bold, and you are beautiful.” And then she added, “You slay.” So yes, there's some sassiness. She’s definitely my child.
And then for my son, which I love, is: “You are smart, you are kind, you are different, and you are important.” I think it's really important to put that confidence in kids because everybody is different. We’ve got to celebrate all of our differences. I want my daughter to hear it, too, so that she can say, “my brother is different and that's okay.”
So that's what I would tell little Lynn. Just be true to who you are and what drives you.
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