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Electronic Discovery: Santa Style

Peter Fogarty

With data volumes growing exponentially, we recently recognized a source of unstructured data that is a massive contributor to this growth: letters to Santa Claus. According to sources, millions of letters are sent to the North Pole every year, each one requiring careful reading. 

So what’s a Santa to do?

It’s no small task to process, review, analyze, and act on all of those letters—and there are no stakes higher than the joy of millions of children all over the world. But Santa doesn’t have to go it alone, right? Here’s our imagining of what his modern process might look like.

Santa Claus is Coming Online

On a cold winter’s night I wrote out a long letter,

With visions of Santa’s gifts filling my head.

But with time of the essence I thought it much better

To send an electronic note in its stead.

But that got me to thinking—if all girls and boys

Were sending him emails this very December,

He’d have billions of documents asking for toys!

By what craft could he ever reply or remember?

But veiled behind all of the joy and festivity

Of holiday giving, Saint Nick’s gotten smart.

The North Pole’s new toolset is called Relativity

They’ve made the review of these letters an art.

It starts in the workshop, the data’s collected

And processed by little support elves so speedy.

Housed in a workspace, securely protected,

Analyzed to pull those of pure heart from the greedy.

And when Santa logs in he knows just what to do!

As he’s making his lists and he’s checking them twice.

He tags issues, then QC and privilege review,

So he always finds out who is naughty and nice.

Now the big night approaches, the gifts are produced,

All rendered and wrapped up to send far away.

With magic efficiency weight is reduced,

Somehow it all fits on the back of one sleigh!

Then in one giant leap reindeer shoot through the air,

Azure skies deepening as through each cloud they steer

Through Brazil and Hong Kong and London so fair,

As all over the world smiles on faces appear.

And when I had just nestled in bed for the night,

While I dreamed of the holiday cheer I would savor,

I arose to see Santa fly off out of sight,

And what joy! It appears he has ruled in my favor!

Happy holidays from all of us at Relativity!

Haven’t sent your letter yet? It’s not too late to let Santa know what you’re wishing for this year, thanks to the speed and efficiency of today’s holiday tech. Here are some resources: